Why you cannot let your eating disorder control you
In today’s society, it is so easy to simply “skip breakfast because you are wearing a bikini later” or “sleep to avoid eating late at night.” We see stick-thin models on all social media platforms, are told to eat 1200 calories a day by 15-year-old girls on Tik Tok, and are given the false idea that being “thin” means being healthy.
Growing up as a female, we are already prone to extreme false beauty standards and are hyperaware of our bodies. I am here to tell you as someone who has recovered from two different eating disorders, fuck that.
Throughout my years of struggling and recovering from my eating disorders, I have learned that no matter what your thoughts are telling you, do not listen. Your disorder wants to see you fail; it wants you to look in the mirror and hate what you see. I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to fight these thoughts because one day, you’re going to look back and realize you spent your whole life controlled by your mental illness. I also want to tell you it’s not your fault. Eating disorders affect over 9% of the world’s population.
You are not weird or broken. Although you did not choose to have an eating disorder you can choose if you fight it. I know right now it seems more comfortable to let these thoughts consume you. Fighting your negative thoughts is exhausting, BUT I’m telling you it’s worth it. I can give you just a few reasons why.
1.) You can go out with your friends without worrying about the calories in your food
2.) You can wear that top that you think doesn’t look good on you but makes you look like a 12/10
3.) You can go to sleep without planning your food intake for the next day
4.) You won’t body check yourself every time you pass a mirror
5.) You can look in the mirror and realize what a sexy, confident queen you are THESE ARE JUST A FEW REASONS!!!
It’s a long journey, and you are going to have bad days. I’m not here to tell you that it’s an easy downhill battle. You will have days where you feel like you have completely conquered the disorder, and you will have days where it feels like you will never recover. You have to take it day by day. The little steps and victories will eventually lead to healing. Growth is not always constant; relapses happen. Prepare for them.
However, you are not back to square one when you relapse. Your development is not erased. You have to accept it and know that you’re working towards a happy and healthier version of yourself. It’s scary. Sometimes you are in a disordered state for so long that you get comfortable. It almost doesn’t feel unhealthy. Recovery can look terrifying. These are all everyday thoughts, I had them too, and they still try to control me on my bad days. However, now I acknowledge these thoughts and think about what caused me to think about it. Did something trigger me? If so, what can I do to heal my relationship with this trigger?
Here are a few life habits I have incorporated into my daily routine to improve my relationship with myself. I journal and write out parts of myself that I love. It can be physical or a characteristic you possess. I unfollowed all social accounts that made me doubt my beauty, set unrealistic expectations and replaced them with body positivity accounts. When a negative thought pops into my head, I replace it with a positive one ASAP. This will eventually train your brain to look at yourself positively. Lastly, I read books. Books about food freedom and how to tackle fear foods, books about learning to accept your body, and just selling help books allow you to look at yourself positively. These tips won’t work like magic; you have to want to recover. You have to enjoy the cycle to end. You have to love yourself more than your eating disorder, but I promise you it is SO worth it.