Do Not Pay Mind to Critics. Instead, Be Your Own Biggest Fan

This is something that people rarely talk about and honestly, I am not sure people truly understand the impact that their childhood experiences have on them. I believe, wholeheartedly, that the way you are perceived and treated in adolescence shapes your beliefs about yourself and even your confidence when taking up new endeavors as a grown adult. This does not mean doom and gloom if you were not the most popular girl in High School. I believe you can sink, allowing yourself to remain a victim to rejection you faced in previous chapters of your life or you can swim and develop into a human being that does not thrive on the opinions or the acceptance of others because it never served you well, anyway.

Personally, I was never a cool girl. It all started at age ten, a group of girls with who I had spent all my elementary school years stopped being my friend for no apparent reason. They joined the boys in class calling me names like “shrimp” and “midget” because I was significantly shorter than everyone else my age. I would find myself regularly harassed through instant messenger or prank phone calls to my house. By middle school, I had already become somewhat jaded, so I spent most of my lunch periods playing on the computer and eating by myself in the school library. My school guidance counselor expressed concern and organized a meeting regarding this regular occurrence. I explained, “I do not like what they talk about, they mostly just talk about other people.” This resulted in her calling my mother and expressing to her that “Alex needs to learn how to adapt to children her age.” 

As for High School, things somewhat improved. I was able to make a few friends, I met my first boyfriend, but I preferred to slip through the cracks in anonymity for the most part. I was not into partying or drinking, and quite honestly did not have many common interests with my peers. I still dealt with my fair share of “bullies” so to speak. Partially because it was evident that I did not fit in but also because I had become somewhat socially awkward due to less than ideal social experiences. Even within my own friend group, I caught wind that one of the girls shared that she did not actually like me because “I was too happy and too nice.” To this day, that is the nicest yet most untrue insult I have ever gotten. That girl did not know that I was actually painfully insecure and far from happy.

To this day, I am extremely guarded and often find myself questioning the intentions of others or only allowing people to get close enough to me to deem them, acquaintances. For that, I often feel lonely. On the other hand, these experiences have taught me to be extremely self-sufficient. I have learned to live unapologetically, making choices without fearing judgment or scrutiny. For example, I walked to High School every day, borrowed a co-worker’s prom dress instead of buying one, and spent my first year of college working as a lunch lady (I even wore a hairnet!) at my college cafeteria so that I could save money to buy myself my first car. I did not mind the second glances or lunch lady jokes because I learned to anticipate rejection long before I faced it. I became a rebel in my own right. Since then, I have backpacked the world by myself, lived and worked on four continents, and continued my education in a foreign country on my own.

I have learned to be my own best friend and biggest fan.

I am now in my late twenties and I have discovered how to find common ground with others while remaining authentic. It can feel like a delicate balance sometimes, but it is doable. With that, I have come to appreciate that my struggles are what have helped me to become a more empathetic person. Do not be ashamed of your short-comings but instead use them as a launchpad to connect with other human beings. At the end of the day, it is so much more satisfying to surround yourself with people who you can be open, honest, and vulnerable with. Keeping up with appearances can be exhausting and constantly fearing judgment can be stressful so why not foster relationships that go deeper? Is impressing others with the clothing brands you wear, your alcohol tolerance, and your perfectly constructed Instagram page a strong foundation for friendship, anyhow? The truth is that converting critics into fans is actually a much easier task than converting yourself into a fan is. Still, you are worth the extra effort and your own self-love and self-acceptance will take you so much further in life than the approval of others ever could.