Building Secure Attachment With Your Little One

For new parents out there, it's important to remember that the bonds you form with your little one now are going to inform how they build relationships throughout the rest of their life. Yes, really. This isn't meant to scare you or put any undue pressure on you. There are lots of things to worry about as a new parent, but think about it this way: at the end of the day, your primary job is to make sure you're bonding with your baby.

This is where the concept of secure attachments comes in. If you've never heard of attachment styles before, family therapist Gabrielle Applebury maintains that "a child's relationship with their parent is their first taste of safety, love, and comfort outside the womb." As such, it's no wonder that these early connections end up having lasting impacts on your child even after they've grown up. Below is a quick overview of what secure attachment looks like, as well as some concrete tips to help foster this connection with your baby.

What is secure attachment?

Applebury goes on to state that healthy attachment levels mean that children feel safe enough to take in their surroundings, knowing that their parent (you) is right there to look after them. A key sign of healthy attachment levels is when parents and tiny tots reunite after spending time apart; your baby should be happy to see you and want to connect with you right away. Greatist notes that to form secure attachment in their kids, parents need to be aware of their child's needs and attend to them accordingly. Of course, this doesn't mean you should give in to your child's every whim and desire, and our post on Determining What's Best For the Well-being of Your Little one says as much. It's okay to withhold sweets from your child every once in a while, as it innately teaches them that you're not always going to give them what they want (but you will give them what they need). As a new parent, it helps to look back on your own childhood to see how you were raised. It's common to adopt your parents' little quirks or behaviors, perhaps even without noticing. This fact can present problems for some parents, who are scared that they might pass on their avoidant or anxious attachment to their kids. If you find yourself overly anxious when it comes to personal relationships — or the exact opposite, where you're avoidant of confrontation and tend to withdraw — it's important to remember that your attachment styles can change over time. The key is to recognize your own patterns and work towards fixing them, or perhaps be more conscious about how you interact with your child.

How do I build secure attachment with my baby?

Here are a few activities to start building secure attachment with your tiny tot:

Go on adventures secure attachments rely on giving your baby ample room to explore. For moms who want to take their tiny tots out on a stroll, iCandy’s single strollers are compact and sturdy enough for a comfortable ride while also allowing one-on-one bonding time. By having the seat facing you, your baby can keep you well in view and know that they’re safe while taking in the sights and sounds around them.

Massage your child soothing massage is a great way to form physical bonds with your baby, and it can be a relaxing time for you too. Earth Mama's baby lotion is lightly scented without being greasy, and it has the added benefit of not having any chemicals in it. Whenever you're reapplying lotion on your little one, gently massaging them will help reinforce the idea that you are a safe space for them.

Keep your phone a way it's a simple tip, but it's surprising just how many of us forget to put our phones away; they've become like artificial limbs to us. However, an article by The Atlantic underscores that kids are receptive to how often their parents spend time on screens. Even though they might not express it, your little ones may start feeling distant from you if you're always plugged in. While there are certain tips and tricks to keep in mind when it comes to forming a relationship with your child, the bottom line is that it's important to keep the right intentions behind it too.