Trial and Error: Determining What’s Best for the Well-being of Your Little One
As the saying goes, there is no manual for parenthood. Each day brings new lessons and challenges that we ultimately figure out. Being a new mom, I look to my mother and grandmother to help when needed. While they give great advice, times have changed, technology and medicine have evolved, thus sometimes I find myself looking on the Internet to find answers.
After continuously researching, I’ve realized there are women I know who’ve become mothers and go through similar experiences. My mom tribe (as I like to call them) are a community of millennial women of color ranging between the ages of 30- 33. From sleep training to disciplining your children, to potty training them, they share their experiences and how they made the best decision for their little ones through trial and error.
Sleep Training
Already as a new mom, I am learning how sleep training is essential to the well-being of not only my little one, but for myself as well. From day 1, the nurse at the hospital told me to leave her in the bassinet sometimes, but I didn’t listen. I love holding my baby, whether she’s sleeping or not. Now, she likes to be held all the time, making it a little hard to get things done. During some good girl talk, I learned my friend Kim, an actress for the Book of Mormon on Broadway identified with me. With her doing 8 shows a week at various hours, sleep for her little one can be difficult sometimes as well. “I regret not sticking with sleep training,” Kim expressed, “Co-sleeping works for us, but I secretly hate it when her little toddler fist punches me in the eye during my much needed REM. If I could go back in time, I would have thrown her tail in that crib on day 2. Our baby boomer parents are 100 percent correct about this one.”
Discipline
My little one is too young for discipline right now, but it’s something I think about, especially with it being so many new methods that differ from when we were brought up. I must admit, I had some anxiety about what should be done. However, one of my favorite yogis helps me feel a little more prepared on how to approach the situation when it’s time. Alaina says, “I am learning how to discipline without using negative connotations. Saying “It makes mommy happy when you listen to her or thank you for being such a good girl and listening!” Also, refraining from disciplining her the old school way with spanking, but instead talking to her and teaching her to meditate/reflect on what she’s done.”
Scheduling
Balancing work and being a mom was something I thought would be easy, but I was wrong; Very wrong. While it takes planning, it also takes patience. When talking to Brittany, who is a creative like myself, her advice led to more productive days for both me and my little one. “After birthing my son in 2018, I experienced this burst of creative energy. I would plan to get things done while he slept or make this nice little play area for him, and when he would wake up before I completed those things or be totally over the play area after 10 mins, I would get frustrated.
After months of feeling productive one week and totally underwhelmed at other times, I realized that what worked best was to let things flow organically, naturally. For me, this meant dropping all the negative feelings I had towards taking my time. Being the mother I had envisioned for myself didn’t look like what I was trying to create. So, I say, do what works best for YOUR journey!”
Easing the Pain
As a mom, you never want your baby to suffer. We are constantly trying to find methods to alleviate any type of pain that they are going through, be it gas or diaper rash. Even when it could seem impossible, sometimes the solution is very simple, as both me and my friend Miya have learned. “My baby had a diaper rash, so I decided to try a diaper rash cream. I felt so bad because the cream made the rash even worse. Turns out letting my baby go nude to get some fresh air was the best way to handle the problem. Not saying that this method will work for every baby, however it is worth giving it a try if you find your baby having this issue.”
Research & Development
I am the queen of googling everything. With a major saturation of mom blogs, medical sites, Youtube videos, etc, you can pretty much Google anything, and there is someone that has written about exactly what you’re looking up. As a millennial, and with this being my first child, I find myself looking up something on the internet daily, as it relates to my baby. After speaking with my friend Elle, I felt a conviction, and started listening to mommy instinct more. “One that might be more millennial specific is learning how to balance google/friends experiences vs your own intuitions. We grew up googling everything and having access to all this information at our fingertips but that’s not always good when deciding what’s best for your own kid or what to do in a specific situation.”
All in all, we’re going to make mistakes as parents, so know that you aren’t the only one. We all must go through the process of figuring out what works and what doesn’t for our babies. Continue to use your best judgement, be confident in your decisions and give them unconditional love. If you feel alone, remember you too have a mom tribe that’s there to give advice or just be a listening ear. Don’t be afraid to reach out, we’re all here to help each other!