All the Single Ladies

Here we are. 

Another Valentine’s Day. 

Another insufferable holiday spent avoiding social media and secretly cursing every couple you pass by.

Valentine’s Day typically sends people into a spiral that consists of a questioning of what their mistakes are, why they aren’t in a relationship, and essentially what’s wrong with them. It’s an examination of conscience, but it’s not a pretty one. 

 During my own annual Valentine’s Day freak-out though, I realized something. 

 I think the dating world is filled with two different types of lifestyles, or cultures. 

 One type is the hook-up culture. This type of culture promotes using and fosters a “casual” connection. Things like social media and dating apps play a crucial role in this culture of using we’ve created. The accessibility we have to someone else is almost instantaneous. You can hop on a number of dating apps and have hundreds of people at your disposal. 

 When I think of this type of relationship, it seems to be a complicated and technical dance of who can care less. It’s an unemotional, unconcerned tango, where both partners have to pretend they haven’t been rehearsing. 

 On the other hand, I think we have a culture of romanticism. This type of culture diminishes realism, pushes the agenda of securing a relationship, and is also the reason I think every encounter I have is a meet cute. 

 So many conversations I have had involve people admitting that they want, desire, and even crave a relationship. So many people feel like something is wrong with them because they don’t have a significant other. 

 This over-romanticization of a potential partner and of a relationship is a recipe for complete and utter disappointment. I meet someone, get too excited, somehow manage to plan our lives together, and then get quickly humbled when I am left on open. 

 It’s a vicious cycle of not caring enough and caring too much. 

 And then, I realized, that I am not a part of the cycle. So yes, even though sometimes my phone is dry, I don’t always get the attention I think I deserve, and it would be nice to have someone take me out to a fancy dinner, I am not over-romanticizing or settling for a subpar relationship, and I’m not someone’s third string pick for a quick hook up. 

That’s not to say that being in a relationship is a bad thing, or that being in a “situationship” or having a friend with benefits is wrong. If you are in that stage of life, embrace it. If you have people giving you attention, or someone buying you gifts, enjoy it. 

I just think we could all do a better job of promoting a middle ground between not caring enough and caring too much. You’re either being used, doing the using, or have already found the love of your life and have your kids’ names picked out. You’re either leaving someone’s message on delivered for hours at a time or diving for your phone after hearing the first ring. 

 Like I said, this is what I discovered during my self-examination. The reason I’m single or alone or independent is because I don’t fall into either lifestyle, and there is nothing wrong with that, even though some days it feels like that is wrong. 

So, to all the single ladies, it is ok. To everyone out there who is single, there is nothing wrong with you. Enjoy this time, whether you’re single, in a relationship, have a whole roster of people to chat with, or have deleted every dating app off your phone. Remember that there is nothing wrong with being right in the middle of not caring enough and caring too much.