Living Courageous and Spontaneous, I Found Home
“It's such a stupid question, in my opinion. I mean, how do you know what you are going to do till you do it? The answer is, you don't. I think I am, but how do I know? I swear it's a stupid question.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Often, I hear from a wide range of friends and colleagues that I am strong and spontaneous. The fact that I can pick up and leave a space and never look back appears to be courageous to folk. I proudly do NOT subscribe to the notion that one has to live their entire lives within the same city or state. No shade to those who do. I just cannot do that. Once I graduated high school back in 2005, that was literally the last time I permanently lived in my home state of Texas- that was almost 16 years ago.
I have lived in five different cities in three different states within the last four years. After working in Property Management and Corporate Real Estate for eight years, I decided to only take on contract work and relocate as much as possible. I always landed a new job, nabbed a cute place to live, and managed to “escape” the realities of my past. While I claimed to enjoy leaving- I was running away.
My personal mantra has always been, “I will leave before being left.” This pertains to intimate relationships, friendships, and jobs. If places become "too familiar" or "too blah,” I leave. If my intuition is telling me a person is acting strange or “about “to do me wrong, I will dip. It was not until my recent location last fall, where I realized it was the first time I ever felt at “home.” The city where I am now living and working feels permanent to me. I KNOW I am supposed to be here.
In the words of Adam Sicinski: “To live spontaneously requires a deep-seated belief that anything and everything is possible if you apply yourself fully. You just need to trust the process and go with the flow of life without second-guessing yourself. Working with my new therapist, has helped me come to my awareness of who I was and who I am now. I am no longer the woman who holds in her feelings- I share them. I am unapologetic about my wants and needs- I embrace them. I am firm in my words, and I feel good about it.
What courageous ideas do you have for yourself in 2021? Whether big or small, write them out. Gather some old photos and magazines and create your vision. There are also many online platforms anyone could use that have templates for what your heart desires. I wish everyone much love, abundance, and peace this New Year.