How Self Love Can Actually Open Doors for You
As we scroll through social media, our eyes are glued to a feed with curated pictures and smiling faces telling us to love ourselves. In the real world, we are constantly bombarded by positive affirmations and the concept of self-love and self-care. However, when we are in a rut, these reminders can taunt us when we feel far from the peak of the mighty mountain that is self-love. This perpetuates hopelessness, as we get frustrated that what seems to work for others isn’t working for us. Social media can be a useful guide, but it’s crucial to take a step back and reflect inwards to give yourself the true answers you need.
Is self-love a temporary routine we do for a quick pick-me-up? Or is it deeper than that? Feeling like you haven’t reached the precipice of your self-love journey may ironically lead to self-hatred. Then begins a vicious cycle: wanting to love yourself wholeheartedly but feeling pressured to rush the arduous process. Societal expectations dictate the need to have it all figured out, to have extreme and steady confidence.
Self-love is often preached but incredibly difficult to internalize. It’s anything but a linear journey. It’s tumultuous and will leave you soaring and crashing simultaneously. There’ll be days filled with questioning your confidence or seat at the table. Days where you’re robust and filled with energy, and other days where you will struggle to strive for growth. While emotions are fleeting and fickle, self-love is a constant that can anchor and guide you in the midst of darkness. The truth is, the thought of multiple pathways to self-love can be liberating. When we think about “self-love”, the concept of self-care may come to mind. We then think of the quick fixes of self-care, from setting boundaries to lighting our favorite candle. However, while self-care can be beneficial in building self-love, it certainly isn’t a prerequisite. When we really ask ourselves what self-love can do, we’ll discover that the effects of self-love can permeate all through our lives.
Self-love can help unlock doors by:
1. Helping you solidify your worth in relationships
When you assert your self-worth, you give yourself the power to assess relationships and purge the ones that aren’t working for you. Oftentimes, you may find yourself second-guessing friendships and relationships. Perhaps you may have out-grown each other, or perhaps you’re in the midst of a good relationship and thus feel uneasy. Self-love can be the difference between forming impactful relationships and establishing boundaries. Maybe it looks like no longer being friends with somebody who constantly puts you down, or maybe it looks like not settling in a romantic relationship that doesn’t enrich your life.
2. Validating your desires
With wavering confidence, it may be hard to actually recognize that you’re capable of having desires. This initiates the unsettling feelings as self-sabotage quickly kicks in and becomes an ineffective defense mechanism. Self-sabotage is problematic as it destroys any inkling of what is actually good for you. It will cause you to invalidate your own desires in an effort to put others first. With self-love, you’ll be able to acknowledge that you’re a complex human being with needs and goals. Instead of limiting your goals due to existing doubts, you’ll grapple with the anxieties and delve right in anyways. The aftermath may not be what you hoped, but your confidence in propelling forward will embolden you and inspire other precarious adventures.
3. Being your own personal guide
Inevitably, disappointment will flare up from time to time. A strong support system can be extremely beneficial for helping you stay afloat and helping you reiterate your self-worth. Ultimately, it’s all about internalizing your own positive affirmations. It’s not just about repeating them but living them as well. Without internalizing your affirmations, they’ll just be transient nuggets of positivity that’ll fade away and leave you feeling stagnant the next moment. On days where you’ll feel like you’re alone, you know you won’t be—because you have yourself and will operate from a place of self-love.
4. Helping you add value to other people’s lives
When you’re confident in your identity, you’ll be able to enrich the lives of other people. While these concepts aren’t mutually exclusive, staying rooted in you means you won’t feel the need to compare yourself to anyone anymore. You’ll understand that there is no one quite like you and that we all should be uplifting each other, not eyeing each other as competition.
5. Allowing forgiveness
The most magical part about self-love is that it allows forgiveness. Your inner dialogue will shift from self-hatred to championing confidence and giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. Recognize that while all of this may seem easier said than done, it’s a continuous and fruitful journey. If you channeled your inner dialogue and talked to yourself like you would with your best friend, you’d come away with a deeper understanding of why you feel the way that we do.
Reminder: Confidence and self-love don’t always have to be loud. You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room or the star of the show to feel justified in your confidence. The composition of you is inherently unique, and you hold a power that no one can extinguish. I’d like to imagine self-love as a hidden gem tucked away within ourselves, ready to be unlocked at any time, ready to be unleashed in all its radiance...