How to be friends with Fear & Doubt.
F*CK fear, am I right?
Fear and doubt get a bad rep. We don’t want them around. No one invites them to the party. We argue with them, get frustrated with them, and criticize them. Telling ourselves that there is no room for them in our goals and dreams.
We forget how our brains and emotions work. Well, to be fair, we were never taught. This always blows my mind. We are never taught about our emotions, our brains, and how they tie together. Let me break it down for you really simple.
What we THINK about creates how we FEEL in any given moment. That is why you can think about how amazing your friend is and feel loving, without actually being in front of them. And you can think about that time you stood up to speak publicly and feel embarrassed, even as you are sitting in your own home.
So fear and doubt come from thoughts in our brains.
Why would our brains give us those thoughts?! Because.. Our brain has ONE job. It isn’t to make us happy. It is to keep us alive. And really, our brains have been around in their most modern form for 40,000 years. A long time before dating apps, food delivery, and the computer you are reading this from. Around 40,000 years longer. Which means our brains developed for survival in a completely different time.
A time when we lived in the wild. Staying alive meant finding water, food, and shelter. Needs that it is safe to assume they are met if you are reading this. There are a lot of ways our brains are designed and have developed, that are not relevant for our modern-day living.
Fear and doubt fall into that category.
Fear & doubt may not be super important most of the time now, but they were head of the table throughout our evolution. And yes, I like to think of our emotions as a board of directors. Each one with space, available to voice their opinion, and you are the chairman.
Fear and doubt stopped our predecessors snacking on poisonous berries, entering the lion's den, and “winging it” to find shelter for the night. The ones that listened to their fears and doubts survived and passed their brain composition down to us.
And guess what, they still continue to save our lives today. Not hugging people during corona? Not running in front of cars? Not walking down dark passages late at night by yourself? That is fear and doubt talking up at the table.
Sure, joy feels great, I love joy. We all do. But it isn’t always the emotion we want calling the shots in our life.
Now, this isn’t to say we should listen to fear and doubt all the time, but understanding its’ role and knowing it is ON YOUR SIDE is a massive step to being friends.
Just like with in-person friends, we can choose when to listen, and when to not listen. Without talking down, judging, or criticizing.
Practice this sentence: “thank you, I hear you, I am going to do it anyway”
“It” may be going on the date, asking for the promotion, launching the business. Fear and doubt can show up, we can listen to them and still continue to move forward.
In fact, we already have so many examples of this. Can you think of one time when fear and doubt spoke up and you took action with it? This IS the secret.\
Showing up and taking action to create what you want with fear and doubt IS what makes you unstoppable. SO thank you, fear and doubt, for giving me the opportunity to grow.
You can find out more by listening to the F*CK Anxiety & Get Sh*t Done podcast available on Itunes (hyperlink bit.ly/fckanxietypodcast) or Spotify (bit.ly/fckanxietypod).
Vikki works with ambitious overachievers teaching them to manage their anxiety & procrastination so they can focus and show up consistently to create the impact they want while enjoying life.
For more information go to www.vikkilouise.com