What Women REALLY Have To Give Up To Empower Themselves
What Women REALLY Have To Give Up To Empower Themselves
Women’s empowerment is a phrase we’ve all heard. The movement strives to help women become more powerful and help them in the act of stepping into that power. There are plenty of expert opinions to help you move closer to achieving the goal BUT maybe some of the more important realizations about this concept have not been touched on yet. And most experts, who you think to know what they’re talking about when they advise you on how to tap into your personal power, are missing the boat on the most important thing. Physics.
I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Umm, no thank you, Holly, I successfully managed to avoid taking it in high school . . . I don’t float off into space because of gravity, E=mc2, and Einstein needed a better hairdresser. . .what does physics have to do with women’s empowerment?”
OR, you’re a woman in STEM like me, and you understand and appreciate the sneaky little devil that is the Higgs Boson; but even you are probably reading this thinking, “what does that have to do with my empowerment as a woman, and what are these things you’re telling me that I have to give up”?
Well, a few weeks ago while perusing Pinterest, I saw a quote I had seen in multiple forms throughout the years. You’ve probably seen various spins, “don’t make yourself smaller to make others feel comfortable” . . . “don’t shrink yourself to accommodate others who refuse to grow”. That quote sounds like it makes sense when you read it or hear it. Demeaning or invalidating yourself in order to avoid conflict should, of course be avoided, but not all self-shrinkage is that way, or leads to those negative outcomes. Don’t drop your clutter or your baggage to avoid conflict, do it for other reasons.
In reality, and in practice, this idea could be a bit misleading, maybe even seriously misguided if we seem to be advocating “bulking up” in order to get more forceful on our own behalf, exercising our interpersonal muscle to stand tall and fight for ourselves. There’s basic science that disagrees with “the bigger is better” idea on some level. And in the fight for women’s global equality -- and in your personal, fight for your own mind and a valid place in the universe—staying big or getting bigger is actually what is keeping you and all of us from being the powerful force we need to be.
“Turns out, in the physical world, the more power you have the less “force” you need to use. As an example, in the metaphysical world of interpersonal relationships, very powerful people whisper when they want to be heard. I’ve noticed the shouters are using force due to their perceived lack of power.”
Michael D. Lukens, Ph.D. Developer of the Physics of Emotion(ing).
So, let’s look at the 6 things you’ll need to give up before you can step into your personal power and the 2 scientific principles you will need to understand to realize why this is the only thing a human mind needs to know about becoming more powerful:
1. What is the formula for calculating Power in Physics?
Power = The Work Done ÷ Time It Takes To Do That Work, where Power = Rihanna
I’m kidding. . .well sort of. . .
P = W/(change in time)
So, you should be able to see that if Thing A does the same amount of work as Thing B, but it does it in less time, then Thing A is more POWERFUL. This is why faster cars have higher horsepower and are even more likely to win the race if you make them lighter -- getting rid of unnecessary, excess weight. And like Rihanna said in that one song, 0 - 60 in 3.5, baby you’ve got the keys so shut up and drive.
She’s saying, “I go from not moving to moving at a very powerful rate of 60 miles per hour in 3.5 seconds”. She. Gets. Shit. Done. I told you I was sort of kidding, but in reality, Rihanna is one of the most powerful women in the world right now, so maybe I should call my college Physics professor and let him know she is the new standard model?
2. What are YOU made up of?
Everything in the physical world, including you, is made up of matter, which is made up of building blocks called particles. And even particles are made of even smaller particles, all the way down to the sub-atomic particles that make up the atom.
In order to be able to “see” and study these particles that makeup everything in the universe, humans have created and built machines called particle accelerators. If we know what things are made of we can predict how they will react and how they will affect things around them. They even apply to us personally—they’re used for things like sealing the potato chip bag I’m elbow deep in right now while writing this article!
It’s literally a method of taking a particle and putting it through a process where the particle has to give up some of the smaller particles that are inside it.
The smaller a particle is (fewer particles making it up) the faster it is. The faster it can become, the more powerful it is because it can accomplish the work process (like traveling from one place to another) in less time than something else. This puts the idea of being “lean and mean” into perspective. Most of us have a longstanding traditional understanding of the power of “lean” but the “mean” connotations might mix us up a bit. Men have an easier time translating “mean” into something that works for them—usually some form of justifiable aggression, violence, domination. I believe we can develop a better definition of “mean” that will serve us far better. What’s weighing us down is trying to subscribe to men’s meaning of the word.
Particle accelerators also naturally exist in nature, lightning is an example. And the most powerful particle accelerator in the universe isn’t man-made, it’s actually already “built-in” to the universe. These things are part of outer space and they are called Supernova Remnants. And they accelerate particles by breaking them and causing them to give up certain smaller particles that make them too big.
When a star explodes inside a SuperNova, the particles bounce around and essentially, to be its “best self” and break out of it, the particle has to give up some of its inner particles to have enough energy to break free and shoot across the sky.
The particles that pass through SuperNova Remnants are then able to move at nearly the speed of light and become Cosmic Rays—bright and beautiful bursts of powerful energy that bombard the earth’s atmosphere. Cosmic Rays are who we want to be, as women. Powerfully bombarding the earth to bring about the change we want to see. In ourselves, and in our world.
So, what are the “particles” women have to give up to truly be the empowered Cosmic Rays they’re supposed to be? Let’s look at (6) specific particles important to the issue or goal at hand, women stepping into their power, (but keep in mind, particles exist for every issue or goal you face and it’s just a matter of finding the “names” of each particle and the amount there are. Which means these particle “names” can be swapped out depending on your situation.
Wanting the fairytale.
Insisting on romance over reality
The commitment to being nice and lady-like.
Not getting or avoiding getting dirty, stressed-out, messed-with, or fearful.
The compulsive need for approval from others.
The wish that you won’t have to encounter moral dilemmas (hard choices) that have no solution.
The ideas that we are valuing subconsciously that we aren’t aware of (like valuing financial success as a personal means of confirming you made it, or valuing a ‘relaxed attitude’ of not having to work hard to get where you want to be . . . etc.).
In the metaphysical world (our minds/human consciousness) there are actual tangible “ideational particles” acting like physical particles, it’s just that they exist in metaphysical space only. Ideas can be likewise “bulky” and inefficient—weighed down/slowed down. These attached ideational particles are impediments to certain goals without being recognized as such. The weak link in the chain is probably dead weight, but it could surprise us to find what we believed was indispensable and essential is actually holding us back. If the formulas explain space for the particles there, why can’t these formulas explain us?
“We can have multiple goals and intentions that are working at odds with one another, and in some cases they cause us to expend tons of energy just to ‘run’ in place. They don’t so much cancel each other out, as they stay ramped up as counter forces that result in no net movement through space. This is emotional ambivalence and we end up going nowhere at high cost, energy expenditure-wise.”
Michael D. Lukens, Ph.D.
We’re left spinning our proverbial wheels trapped inside the SuperNova.
Each of these (6) particles can be thought of as an internal commitment and they are making you too large to function at your ultimate level of power. I won’t cover how to give up each of these 6 commitments in this article, as this introduction is simply a means of getting the conversation started. But in a multi-article series I will address each one of them, because you won’t be able to “give them up” of your own will. Most of them are too entrenched in the female mindset. They can only be given up through a mental particle acceleration process. Even if you think you want to give them up, wanting to want to give them up, and being able to give them up is not the same thing.
Ultimately, if you want to step into your personal power, you need to pass yourself through a SuperNova Remnant process, using the internal built-in particle accelerator you already have. Not the external things people are telling you that you need to use. Inside you is where those extra and expendable particles exist, that are holding you back and gaining empowerment requires you to give up the things that aren’t going to help you get there. Detach from them. Hit the ‘ejector seat’ button. Simplify and clarify.
As humans, we do have built-in course determining processes much like outer space does—we have gravity, for instance. We aren’t naturally good at finding and using these process elements for our benefit in the world of our own ideas, but we all have the capability to accelerate power by knowing ourselves better, getting clearer about our true nature.
Unfortunately, as women, we have a lot more to give up than men do to get to that place where ‘knowledge’ is recognized ‘fairly’ as power. It is still power, but the ‘failure’ to recognize this is an invalidation, an unnecessary hurdle for women . . . how stupid is that prejudice, and how often proven false by the brilliance of women? When trying to figure what is wanted and needed in real-life situations and in real human relationships, I don’t know about you, but I turn to a woman. Someone who I know already knows. When I was little, that woman was Mom. Curiously, the same was true for my two brothers—Mom was the knower, the see-er, the carer, the comforter . . . Dad was more interesting in his mystery, in his unavailability, like how we automatically need to seek the elusive and take the available for granted. But there was Mom, doing the real thing that needed doing, and getting shortchanged in the credit department. Mom had the right kind of power, but it/she had to ‘struggle’ to be seen and acknowledged. I saw the ‘politics’ of it all at a young age, and I knew there was a problem with the whole man/woman thing, something just didn’t sit right with me about it. Lots of mixed messages—“be all you can be, but at the same time, don’t Shame any men or compete with women along the way.”
Fortunately, as women, we are better at the processes of self-observation and emotional understanding than men. Unfortunately, we’ve been waiting for permission to exult in that. We’ve been stymied by the particle gluttony. We love and we are able to let go, and we have more natural mastery of this ‘emotional contradiction’ than any other living creature.
On the road to empowerment, there will be external obstacles . . . others who don’t believe in you, or attack your ideas before you even begin to work on your goals, others (women included) who compete with you and want you to fail, sexist conditions and institutionalized sexism at the lower level, and genital mutilation and femicide on the higher end. The status quo is inexcusably bad.
In outer space, the external forces aren’t a particle’s biggest concern. It doesn’t exist to dodge space debris; it exists for one reason: Get small. Shoot across the sky at (near) warp speed, and bombard the earth’s atmosphere. If it wants to do what it wants and get where it needs to be, it’s the particles inside that impede its energy and its power and capability of achieving its goal. Subtracting unnecessary things is the idea, rather than looking to add potentially useful things.
Let’s Redefine Feminism As Phemenysics
Just like the laws of physics in the physical world, there are certain laws of physics that apply to the internal world, the mind and human consciousness. But the physics of the physical world, and the physics of the meaningful world of the human being are not exactly the same. Many, if not most of our conflicts as humans have to do with ‘definitional territory’ and not physical territory. Our biggest challenges as females with certain privileges and rights in a capitalist, constitutional republic aren’t external. I’ve been raped and have gone through a sexual harassment suit, but I don’t have to worry the same way as women in other countries across the globe. These externals are NOT the most formidable challenges we face. The bigger obstacles are a function of what’s going on within.
We don’t want to be scared, or uncomfortable, or scrutinized too closely, so we disempower ourselves before we get started, or worse, halfway to the goal. Perhaps worst of all, we sometimes sabotage ourselves when we’re only inches before the finish line. Our real struggles are often with the ideas others hold, society in general, our families, our friends, our enemies, and, of course MOST importantly, the ideas we hold. What if you are holding ideas that came from someone else and you find out that this someone else does not have your best interests at heart? Do you keep the ideas just to avoid your own uncertainty . . . even after you’ve been conned, used, and abused? Then you’re ultimately a major ‘partner’ in the crime of your own damage. Think about locker room talk: “You know, when a girl ‘says NO’ she’s hoping you ignore her”. YOU try not to get a little incensed as young men are able to so cavalierly (with so much ‘permission’) foster the violence and objectification/dehumanization of women and girls. The game of life is being played quite badly and yet we can end up condoning it by our overall passivity.
What should you do when that happens? Get out of your own way, of course! Stop being the enemy to yourself. Stop being the enemy to other women. Stop being the enemy to men, even. Bring your instinct to make things right with you and the world. And what is “right”, you might ask? That’s up to you. But the process of finding out starts with offloading all of the “particles” of commitments to invalidation and contempt inside of you that (to paraphrase Rumi) act as the roadblocks to love for yourself and for others.
Though I am grateful for the many facets of the Feminist Ideology, there is one principle at the center of it that I believe will prove more harmful than helpful to our ultimate success in advancing our self-enhancing agendas. If you examine the advice given to women, it is often teaching them to adopt male behaviors (or even male-like versions of behavior) both in the workplace and in their personal lives.
Be “less emotional”, “more aggressive and assertive”, and “be sparing with your agreeableness (stop nodding your head when people speak)” just to name a few. But what if you were discerning enough to see that the person you stop nodding for, needs that validation to perform at their peak? If you’re doing this like you think a man would, are you advancing the real you? You’re free to do things as well as any man could or would, but at what cost, both financially and ethically?
All of this “advice” encourages women to suppress their natural tendencies and teaches them to adopt behaviors typically demonstrated (and “validated” by men). Inherent in this advice is the idea that men have set the standard for “effective” societal interactions and behavioral frameworks and that women must adapt to meet those standards and take their rightful place next to men. In a nutshell this means we would have to implicitly agree to get better at the domination game. However, throughout history and in our current global environment, masculine behavioral standards haven’t really gotten us to the places we really wanted have they? Isn’t this just one more particle being added to us as women? Is it too late—shall I make that list 7 particles instead of 6?
And guess what this particle does. . . it impedes the built-in process that women have which makes us generally superior to men in the most important way possible. It impedes our conscience —made up primarily of the emotions of Guilt and Shame, and our Fear or Anger in reaction to them—and our natural tendency to love. I am NOT calling for women to stay demure or commit to softness and meekness, I’m calling for us to be brilliant emotional physicists, not committed to rational supremacy like men.
My mentor and boss is a man and was a clinical psychologist and theorist for 30 years. One day when we were discussing an alternative mindset for the modern feminist perspective he said:
“When women tell me they are just as good as men, I say, why aim so low?”
(At this point I spit out my coffee laughing!!!!!!) He went on to say,
“Let’s not play the male game ‘better’ just because we can. Let’s play something more worth the effort, more worth our time and attention, and go for more of what we really always wanted anyway. Let’s stop asking for male permission to define female. And let’s not do this defining as a reactionary political position, or socio-cultural “push back” but instead bring our A-Game and come up with a previously unconsidered creative potential to create a MUCH BETTER way to play the GAME of life. Not as a fad, or as a gratifying sip from a tall glass of schadenfreude. But as the next evolutionary “bump” for all of humanity. Lead, follow, or get out of the way?? -- that only leaves us with lead.”
Michael D. Lukens, Ph.D.
The physics of the universe supports a method of self-improvement that you can start applying today in your mind. This will get you and all other women in the world where we need to be: at our most powerful and effective state of being.
Referring back to the formula for Power: P= W/(change in time)
To increase your Power you either need to decrease your workload or increase the speed at which you bring that work to fruition. What’s the workload for our formula? The gender gap. And we all know, that’s going to take a lot of effing work. It still exists. For a lot of cis white women in America, it’s a matter of pennies on the dollar; for every other race and sexual orientation of women in America it’s a matter of systematic oppression and sustained violence, and in places like Syria and Afghanistan, it’s literally a matter of life and death.
Men have dominated the way we define the Game of life, and it makes sense they’ve defined the game as a domination game. Not surprisingly this has ‘made them’ prize being the dominators and women, acquiescing and allowing their role to be ‘the dominated’. If we, as women, ‘decide’ to dominate them instead, we are still playing the same game. Winning at the wrong game is not a real win. The alternative is to introduce a different game, one we already know pretty well and one that men have been reluctant to play since the dawn of our species . . . the connected and cooperative game of unrestrained, abundant love defined as Committed Benevolent Interest. Love to the max. I’m a Phemenist using an emotional particle accelerator that rivals the power of most men. It’s up to us to remove this final roadblock, these particles so that we can help the other women in the world launch their lives into the stratosphere where they belong. Men are certainly are going to be invited to join us in the wonderful space the game of love provides, but they’re going to have to evolve, following our lead, or face the prospect of being left behind.