A Letter to My Fellow Asian Community, Let's Talk About Race
I really feel the need to address this because it’s been brewing in my mind, so I want to invite you all into this space to have a constructive critique and conversation with me about race and our awareness of race as a community, particularly about what’s happening to our social climate now in 2020.
I am a Non-Black, San Francisco Chinatown, Homegrown Bay Native, first generation, female, Asian American. I grew up waiting 20 plus minutes in front of restaurants with my family to get a table to eat Dim Sum. I grew up going to the Chinese bakery early in the morning to buy freshly made ham and egg baos for breakfast, waiting for the MUNI to go to school and getting on the crowded ass MUNI with all the PoPos and YéYés then emptying the bus with them. I grew up dealing with the anxiety of trying to not get lost in the sea of people every single time my grandpa and I went to get groceries in Chinatown. I most definitely grew up dreading to go to Chinese school on Saturdays with my cousins AND failing my classes because who the fuck wants to go to Saturday school? I remember walking with my friends through the allies of Chinatown, passing by the enclosed spaces, hearing the loud sounds of mahjong tiles shuffling with the hint of cigarettes lingering in the air. We were most definitely on our way to the little markets to get our Vitasoy drank game on and them shrimp chips because that’s all we could afford. Then bringing our asses back to the neighborhood parks and rec centers where we would see all the grandmas and grandpas doing Tai Chi, fan dancing, or gambling and playing Chinese checkers and cards. I grew up in an amazing community that thrived and took care of its people. I love my culture and community.
However, I also grew up alongside my parents and the Chinese community’s sentiments and views about the Black community. I grew up feeling nervous when I was at a bus stop around a Black person. I grew having a watchful eye for those that entered into our community. I grew up very prejudiced against the Black community because: 1) the media and news portrayed them that way, and 2) my own community, family, parents and I witnessed actions being done to people that looked like me by the Black community. In no way am I excusing or condoning acts of crime and violence, but have you ever thought, “Where’s Black Twitter At?” or, “This is why stereotypes exists.” or, “And you wonder why there’s so much negativity around Black people?” I’m not going to lie, I definitely felt these sentiments before, because it is fucked up to treat others with disrespect or doing shit hella out of pocket and unwarranted. We Asians keep quiet and mind our own business, right? So WTF?
Well, when the #BlackLivesMatter movement came about, I began to look more deeply into it. I remember thinking initially, “What about everyone else’s lives? They matter too.” And this still holds truth today, everyone’s lives DO matter. But here’s the thing: when we walk into a store, do we always get stared down? Do we have people always following our tails because the store owners think we’re gonna steal? Do we look more threatening to others, particularly White people? Can we get away with things more easily than a Black or Brown person? Are the cops using excessive force against our people, drawing their guns, constantly yelling at us? Does our community often hear the words, “Hands Up! Don’t Shoot!” Do we fear for our lives every day when we wake up? Do we fear that maybe today one of our family members or a friend would be gone because a cop decided it was best to take them down because they felt “unsafe”?
In no way am I discrediting the challenges that our ancestors faced, or what we currently face, nor the hard work of what our great grandfathers and great grandmothers built in order for us, their grandchildren, to enjoy. I deeply appreciate what has been paved for us. Instead, I hope these questions can guide you to becoming more aware and recognize the privileges of living while Asian and the implicit biases that you may have. Really critique why you feel a certain way so WE can start undoing and unlearning all the oppressive behaviors that are ingrained in our community that we have toward Black people. When can we shift the conversation from pointing fingers and shift to having empathy for each other, really helping and supporting each other? Just imagine what all those kings, queens, emperors and empresses we can fucking create. There’s a lot of power and beauty in unity.
I have more that I would love to share but I’ll digress because this is already a long-ass essay and I’m trying to have y’all read this. So I’m going to end with this—It’s fucking trying-ass times and 2020 is trifling as fuck. I’m sharing my own experiences and my now current sentiments in hopes to inspire you to look deeper and critique what kind of biases and feelings you have so we can break this toxic cycle.
There is no longer room for passive empathy in either of our communities.