Will I Regret Not Having Kids? An Interview with Ruby Warrington

Ruby Warrington, author of Women Without Kids and publishing consultant, has been breaking barriers and challenging societal norms around motherhood. In this candid conversation, Ruby opens up about her journey of choosing not to have children and the societal pressures that led to years of self-questioning. She shares the insights from her new book and offers a perspective that many women rarely hear when deciding not to become mothers.

Heather: Thank you so much for joining me, Ruby. You've written a compelling book, Women Without Kids, and we have much to unpack today. But before we dive in, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Ruby: Thanks so much for having me, Heather! I'm originally from the UK and have lived in the US for over a decade. My background is in journalism, but I transitioned into writing books and consulting on publishing. My first book, Material Girl, Mystical World, was followed by Sober Curious, which really spearheaded a global movement about reevaluating our relationship with alcohol. And now, my latest book, Women Without Kids, is all about exploring the lives of women who have consciously chosen not to have children. I've been reflecting on this my entire life, and I finally felt the clarity to address this question of motherhood in my early 40s.

Heather: I love that. And what you've said about societal pressure is so interesting. Many of us, especially women, grow up believing that motherhood is the ultimate goal, almost as if it's an expectation. But for you, this question has been with you since childhood. Can you tell us more about when you started questioning the idea of having children?

Ruby: Oh, absolutely. When I was about five years old, I was confused by how obsessed everyone was with babies, especially women. I didn't understand why babies were supposed to be so cute—I much preferred baby animals! Even at that young age, I asked myself, "Why does everyone assume I'll want this? What if I don't?" That confusion followed me throughout my teens and into adulthood. When I was in my 20s, I tried to want children. I thought maybe I'd feel the urge when I hit 30 since that's when my mother had me. But when I turned 30, I still didn't want to become a mother. It wasn't until my early 40s that I really had the clarity to say, "No, this is my path, and I'm at peace with it."

Heather: That's powerful. I know for myself I've always been unsure about having kids. I'm about 75-80% sure that I don't want children, but the question still lingers, especially as I see family and friends with kids. I'm wondering if I am missing out on something. So, when people tell you, "You'll regret it," how do you respond to that?

Ruby: I get that a lot, especially from people who believe motherhood is the ultimate fulfillment. But here's the thing—we rarely discuss the things we might miss out on if we choose to become mothers. Sure, you miss out on the experience of parenthood, but there are sacrifices that come with it too. For example, freedom. Freedom to shape your schedule, pursue your career, creative passions, and activism. I've seen women in my life who have children and feel like they're constantly giving to their kids at the expense of their own lives. It can be all-consuming. I don't think we talk enough about the other side of the coin—what's lost when you choose motherhood.

Heather: Absolutely. It's like we only hear the side where we'll miss out on motherhood's joys, but no one really discusses the potential downsides. You've been clear that you have no regrets about your decision, even as you reach your 40s. But do you ever wonder how you'll feel as you get older, say in your 60s or 70s?

Ruby: That's a great question. I'm always open to the possibility that I could feel differently later in life, but at 47, I have no regrets. For me, the most important thing is that I'm living a life that feels authentic to who I am. I know I've made the right choice for myself, and it's essential for women to permit themselves to make the right choices without societal expectations. And let's be honest: how society portrays motherhood doesn't always reflect the reality of what it's like to be a mother—it's often idealized.

Heather: Exactly. There's this romanticized idea of motherhood, but we don't talk enough about the challenges and sacrifices that come with it. And you've mentioned that you're not the only one questioning whether or not to have kids. In your book, you discuss how more and more women are rethinking motherhood, which is empowering. But in your personal journey, did you feel like an outsider at times?

Ruby: Oh, 100%. For so long, I felt like I was the only one who didn't want kids. I watched as everyone around me started families, and I felt isolated. But when I got to my early 40s, I realized I wasn't alone. Many of my friends and colleagues had made the same choice for different reasons. Some had fertility struggles; others chose not to have children for personal or environmental reasons. Once I started talking more openly about it, I realized many women felt the same way. It was incredibly freeing to know that I wasn't the anomaly I once thought I was.

Heather: That's such a comforting thought, knowing there's a growing community of women making their own choices. And it's essential to have these conversations because, for so long, women were just expected to fall into the role of mother without ever being given the space to question whether that was right for them.

Ruby: Absolutely. The more we can normalize different paths for women, the better. We must acknowledge that women can lead fulfilling, meaningful lives without becoming mothers, just as much as those who choose motherhood. There's no one-size-fits-all formula for happiness, and our culture must catch up.

Heather: Ruby, thank you so much for this enlightening conversation. Many people will find your perspective refreshing and empowering. Your book Women Without Kids is an incredible resource for those interested in exploring this topic further. Where can they see it?

Ruby: Thank you for having me, Heather! Yes, Women Without Kids is available at all major retailers, both in print and as an audiobook. I'm excited for more women to read it and feel seen and validated in their experiences.

Heather: I couldn't agree more. For more on this important conversation, check out Women Without Kids and follow Ruby's work. Thanks again, Ruby!

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