Celina Mankarios on Achieving your Highest Self and Leaving a Powerful Legacy
A few years back, I was curled up at my social worker’s office, tears running down my face while my hands trembled with blood. My head was screeching with all the noise of the horrible events in my life playing simultaneously.
A loved one twisted into an abuser, releasing their anger out on my siblings and I. The fairytale love of my parents morphed into a brutal divorce. Financial hardship burdened our single-parent household, and I was forced to take on the mother role.
I tried to conceal my tears with makeup, simulating a smile, but I only closed the door to the torment at home to step into more darkness at school. I was sexually harassed by the males while being outcasted and bullied by the girls. Whispered rumors began screaming back their poisonous words, convincing me I was not good enough, which was being further perpetuated at home. The males I thought were my friends would objectify me and coerce me to do sexual favors. I felt extremely unsafe, insecure, and anxious, second-guessing the intentions of everyone around me. My lunches were spent in the washroom swallowing tears, struggling to keep on my unbothered disguise. The only place I could find some semblance of security was my social worker’s office.
Fast forward to today, my past no longer defines me. I am now confident, happy, and accepting of myself, breaking free from the constraints of my trauma. I built a circle of strong and healthy relationships. I allowed my internal power to overflow into the world, making an impact through my various projects and platforms.
My humanitarian work led me to be crowned Miss Teenage Mississauga, Miss Teen Universe Ontario, and Miss Teen Canada United Nations. I founded the organization Youth Social Impact where we lead a team of over 100 students from across the world. We campaign and fundraise thousands of dollars for various global causes. I am also working alongside a team of professionals and professors from the top universities in the world to build my social business, Etherea. We are developing an app that uses psychological motivators and gamification to help youth change their own lives and the world.
I shifted my reality into a more desirable one by implementing a three-part formula. It focuses on maximizing what I call the ‘life sectors’: individual, interpersonal relationships, and career.
Here is the three-step formula for embodying your highest self and leaving a powerful legacy:
Healing -
After experiencing such traumatic events, my mind was riddled with subconscious limitations that burdened me from being truly free.
The bullying left me insecure. Their poisonous words began sounding true– I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, and not old enough to accomplish my ‘outlandish dreams.’
The sexual harassment left me with trust issues.
The abuse and divorce left me with an anxious attachment style and communication issues.
The financial hardships left me with stress and anxiety.
My story may be different from yours, however, you too have experienced some sort of trauma. Although you have survived them, you may still unknowingly struggle with their adverse side effects that latch onto the back of your mind. These issues can hold you back from reaching your full potential in the three life sectors.
Here are a few trauma side effects that you may relate to and their possible root:
Cognitive and Psychological Side Effects:
Cognitive distortions
ROOT: any stressor/trauma in your life or a learned perception from your parents’ coping mechanisms
Insecurities
ROOT: traumatic event of loss (i.e. failure) or verbal conditioning
Fears
ROOT: frightening traumatic events (i.e. being attacked by an animal) or hearing about negative information/experiences.
Prejudices
ROOT: internalizing others’ hatred/stereotypes or generalizing negative experiences
Mental health issues (i.e. PTSD, depression, anxiety, and addiction)
ROOT: extreme cases of unaddressed traumas
Relationship Side Effects:
Communication issues (using humor to deflect, self-deprecation, demanding, yelling, having fragmented discussions, or keeping secrets, withdrawing, isolating, and maintaining silence)
ROOT: learned behavior from childhood
Anxious attachment style
ROOT: growing up with parents with inconsistent parenting patterns
Avoidant attachment style
ROOT: growing up with parents who were emotionally distant, rejected your needs, and/or expected you to be more mature than developmentally appropriate as a child
Physical Side Effects:
Somatization like physical tension, heart palpitations, trembling, and pain in the body. In extreme cases, it can even lead to severe health conditions, including heart attack, stroke, obesity, diabetes, and cancer, according to Harvard Medical School research.
ROOT: extreme cases of unaddressed traumas
These negative side effects are holding you back from becoming your best self, fostering healthy relationships, and having the drive to achieve your full potential in your career.
Healing is an essential first step to being fulfilled. At the core of it, healing is the process of identifying, releasing, and replacing these negative side effects. Identify the root and purpose of all your negative thoughts and behaviors. Then, ask yourself if they are still reasonable or beneficial. If not, you release and replace them with something more positive. Shadow work journaling, meditation, therapy, and positive affirmations are all excellent tools to heal. Since I did not have access to therapy, I utilized shadow work journaling, which allowed me to release my subconscious limitations.
2. Growth
Once you have healed and rewired internal obstacles, you can now achieve your full potential by mastering skills and gaining knowledge linked to the three ‘life sectors.’ Growing is a cycle of learning (both from past experiences and external resources) and applying the knowledge to continually elevate your life. Here are some essential skills and information that you should master in each sector:
Individual growth (foundation)- learn the foundational skills like productivity, learning how to learn, and building a positive mindset.
Interpersonal relationship growth (soft skills)- learn how to master healthy communication skills, charisma, decoding body language, emotional intelligence, and other psychological skills.
Career growth (hard skills)- mastering skills and obtaining knowledge in your specific field of interest. Try to excel at what you do by going beyond the norm of knowledge and skills.
Reading books, watching lectures, participating in courses, or getting a mentor can equip you with an arsenal for success.
After doing some healing, I began my own journey of growth.
For individual growth, I studied how to learn, improve my memory, build confidence and embrace my femininity.
For interpersonal relationship growth, I dove into tons of books and lectures on psychology, emotional intelligence, etiquette, and relationship-building.
For career growth, I enrolled in business and computer science EDx courses and learned from mentors that were where I wanted to be. I rearranged my friend group, only surrounding myself with people who helped me grow and challenged me.
3. Impact
The last part of the formula is leveraging your mastery and knowledge from the three life sectors to create a positive impact. Your purpose is usually derived from some form of contribution to others or the world. The key is finding what you are most passionate about (which should be your career path from key two), any overarching causes you want to leave an imprint on, and then finding the correlation between them. This correlation is the space where you can start building your legacy project. You should leverage the strength in yourself, the interpersonal connections you’ve made, and your career expertise to create a successful legacy project.
My personal passions were business, computer science, pageantry, and modeling. The causes I want to make a difference in are climate change, animal cruelty, and helping youth become the best versions of themselves. Therefore, the correlation between them was creating my ‘legacy projects’. I used my pageant titles and modeling to spread a platform for overcoming trauma and becoming the best version of yourself. I am building my social business Etherea to help others with personal development and solving global issues, including animal cruelty and climate change. I am also implementing my business skills into Youth Social Impact, where we organize charity collaborations, events, and talks centered around environmental and social justice issues.
Healing, growth, and impact is continual and often cyclical process. Triggers and negative thoughts may flood your mind occasionally, which will need healing. You will always find new things to learn in your growth journey. Additionally, your legacy project will need to consistently evolve and expand.
These steps may seem overwhelming at first; however, small daily actions compound to create life-lasting results. Set aside a portion of every day towards healing, growth, and/or impact.
Implementing this formula as my life motto has allowed me to become the best version of myself while leaving a positive imprint on the world. You can do that too.