Pronoun Power 101: How to Use them

I thought it would be helpful to sit down and write about pronouns, which can be a confusing topic to navigate through. It has become more and more common to include pronouns in Instagram biographies, email signatures, and in introducing ourselves to new people. Because this topic can be a bit confusing, I thought I would sit down and write a guide to pronouns. A Pronouns 101, if you will.

To start the discussion, I thought it would be best to include some terms and phrases that one should know. 

Pronouns: A pronoun is a word that refers to the people talking in a conversation, or something or someone that is being talked about.

Gender pronouns: These types of pronouns refer specifically to people that you are talking about.

Cisgender: A cis-gendered person is someone whose gender identity corresponds with their sex at birth.

Non-binary (also genderqueer, agender, bigender): People who are non-binary identify as neither male nor female. 

Gender presentation (or gender expression): Someone’s outward appearance, body language, and overall behavior categorize them under something called the gender binary. 

Gender binary: This is the socially constructed division of things like activities, emotions, behaviors, appearances, and mannerisms into being feminine and masculine, and it is also a central part of the patriarchy (BOO) 

Misgender: To misgender someone is to refer or address someone with a pronoun, noun, or adjective that incorrectly represents the person’s gender identity. 

Ok, now that we’ve gone through the basics, I think we can jump into the bigger discussion. Let’s talk about why we should respect people’s pronouns and why they are important. 

To be better well-versed when writing this topic, I reached out to a sorority sister and good friend, Delaney.

Delaney was raised in New Mexico and is the youngest of all of their siblings. Delaney played IM volleyball, is a part of the Latin American Student Association, a sister of the Pi Beta Phi sorority, and is also non-binary. 

Since I am cisgendered, I wanted to ensure when writing on such an important topic that I was as politically correct as possible and use the privilege that comes with being cisgendered to amplify the voice of someone who doesn’t have that same privilege. 

So, I reached out to Delaney to make sure I understood exactly why pronouns are so important. One of the best things Delaney equated pronouns to was a book. 

Firstly, just because a book has a specific title, a certain colored cover, has thousands of pages, or simply twenty pages, you cannot assume what’s written in the book. 

The same can be said for pronouns. Just because someone presents in a certain way – wears certain clothes, does or doesn’t wear makeup, acts or speaks in a certain manner – does not mean you can assume their pronouns.

So, you’ve picked up a book, and you’re going to wait to assume anything about the book and what it’s about before you read it. You’ve decided to open the book and see exactly what it’s about. When you read a book, you read it exactly as it is written. You don’t change the story that the author has written. You read it to fully understand the author’s story, so it makes sense. If you change words, don’t follow any grammar rules the author has created, the story won’t make sense.

Again, the same can be said for pronouns. Pronouns are an important part of a person’s identity, and to disregard them would be like disregarding an author’s writing. Secondly, pronouns are a part of grammar. Speaking technically, using proper pronouns is just grammatically correct. 

Delaney ended our conversation by making an extremely powerful point. There is so much that makes up our world, our society, and who we are. She pointed out that we haven’t even discovered 95% of the ocean, and yet what keeps certain people up at night is how other people choose to identify themselves. 

We live in a society that promotes ethnocentrism (viewing other cultures, beliefs, ideas, experiences, etc., all through the lens of our own culture, beliefs, ideas, and experiences). Still, we need to shift the culture of ethnocentrism to one of empathy. We need to be more open to other people’s cultures, their own experiences, and their beliefs. When we can shift to a culture of empathy, the idea that someone identifies as non-binary or is transgender won’t be such a big deal. 

To begin creating that culture of empathy, I challenge you to continue to educate yourself. Keep learning about the importance of pronouns, correct people (nicely) when they misgender someone and remember to keep an open mind. Include your pronouns in your Instagram biography or when introducing yourself, especially if you are cis-gendered. By doing this, you are creating a safe space for gender-nonconforming people and normalizing the power of pronouns. 

Everyone deserves that culture of empathy - you, me, Delaney, gender-nonconforming people, cis-gendered people – everyone.