Bachelor Slaytion - Week 4 Recap: Get These Producers an Emmy

Surprise bitch, you thought you’d seen the last of us? Bachelor Slaytion is back for a Week 4 recap. This episode was wild in too many ways, and we wish that didn’t give us so much satisfaction. But it does and we continue to fall victim to this show every week. Let’s dive right into it, shall we?

The women are hanging out at the mansion discussing the events of the night before. Deandra says she hopes they can leave the drama behind them, which is always an indicator that the drama will not be left behind them. Chris Harrison comes in to inform them that the drama will, in fact, be following them to… Cleveland? Cleveland. The dead silence in the room is hilarious. No one gives a shit about Cleveland. They reluctantly pack their bags and are off.

via Twitter.com/betchelorpod

The date card arrives in Cleveland. We feel the need to keep bringing up the fact that they are in Cleveland because...they are in Cleveland. The first one on one goes to Victoria F and her huge cartoon character eyes. Does she remind anyone else of a Disney Princess? Mykenna is crying once again because she is worried about not having enough time with Peter. Go get some wine baby girl, you’ll be ok. 

Victoria F’s date card says something related to heights and she instantly starts to bug out because she thinks they’re going skydiving. Silly Victoria, didn’t you know Peter is a pilot!? You’re obviously going on the same date he’s been taking everyone else on. He’s gonna fly. a. plane. We literally could not understand a thing they were saying through those airplane headphones, so if anything important was said, we have no idea what it was, which means neither do you. Sorry. 

Then they go to an amusement park and Peter makes Victoria F. go on a literal hamster ball flung into the air. We would literally quit the show right here if they made us go on this ride. They sit down with some beers and have a weirdly specific conversation about their children? Then Peter tells Victoria there is one last surprise and he’s really excited for this because he knows how much Victoria loves country. Sweet baby Peter. Little do you know, just how much Victoria loves country… 

Turns out the surprise performer is Chase Rice, a handsome and famous country singer who Victoria has JUST BROKEN UP WITH. The devil works hard, but the Bachelor producers work harder. You can see the fear in her giant cartoon eyes as she realizes what is going on. She and Peter dance awkwardly to a song that was probably written about her. Chase and Victoria keep making eye contact and it’s so awkward. After the performance, Peter and Chase meet and Peter is, like, seriously fangirling. While this is happening Victoria is freaking out wondering how she’s going to tell Peter about this. They go to dinner and Victoria finally spills. Peter literally cannot fathom this information. Like he is truly baffled. “Chase like the singer?” Yes Peter, that very Chase. We weren’t fully paying attention to this part but when we looked back at the TV, they were making out and Victoria had a rose so we can only assume things ended fine. We also found out that Chase Rice dropped an album three days before this episode aired. Chase must work as hard as the devil too.

Moving on to the group date. Thirteen women are on this date fighting emotionally for Peter’s heart. So where does he take them? To a football stadium, where they can fight physically for his heart. Why do we keep going on dates where these girls beat each other up? They’re split up into teams called “The Eliminators” and “The Killer Bees”. WTF? I guess the creative team spent all their time on Chase Rice this week.

 We thought Tammy and Madison would do well on this date because they are both super athletic and way under appreciated. Fight for your man, ladies! Victoria P has “”””back pain”””” and can’t play. Sure. She spends the whole date being massaged by Peter on the sidelines while the other women are literally tackling each other. The game conveniently ends in a tie, which means that all thirteen women will go to the cocktail party. 

Shiann was supposed to grab Peter to talk first because she scored all of the goals for her team, and her teammates were ready to block anyone that got in her way. We love women supporting women. However, Victoria P swooped in to grab him before anyone else got the chance. The girls are pissed because she didn’t even play football. Shiann finally gets her time with Peter, and who should walk in, but Alayah.

Yep. You read that right. Alayah comes to CLEVELAND to talk to Peter. You can see the look of absolute shock on Peter’s face when she walks in. To spare you the agony we had to go through we’ll sum this up real quick. Basically, Peter tries to figure out who is telling the truth between Alayah and Victoria P. and to be honest, we’re still not sure. We still don’t know if they’re friends or not. But he asks Alayah to come back to the show, she acts like she has to think about it for a minute before accepting because she “can’t say no to Peter”. Not only does she come back, but she gets the group date rose. As soon as the women find out about this, they go off on Peter. They rip him apart, telling him they have bruises and cuts from playing football, and he didn’t give them a minute of his attention. POP. OFF. SIS. We don’t remember if anything happened after this, and that was so epic that it doesn’t even matter.

Time for Kelsey’s one on one. We’re pretty sure all they did was walk around Cleveland and we think she shared a story about her parents but we can’t be sure. This date was super boring, sue us. Peter told Kelsey what was going on with Alayah coming back and she doesn’t seem impressed. Let this be a red flag to you Peter, no one likes her. Kelsey gets a rose and we really don’t care about what else happened on that date. 

Back at the hotel, Victoria F. confronts Alayah. After Alayah left, she found out that Victoria had dated Chase and that he was performing for them. Alayah proceeded to tell all the women this secret and Victoria F. is pissed. She says she has some “choice words” for Peter about Alayah and we are on the edge of our seats. This is one of the best Bachelor fights we’ve seen in a while.

We head into the Rose Ceremony and Victoria F. tells Peter about Alayah spreading her personal business. This is about where they cut us off and make us wait another week to see how this pointless drama ends, so we’ll see how this unfolds in the next episode.

If Alayah gets sent home right after she got invited back, we will laugh our asses off. Here’s hoping. See you next week! xoxo Isa and Shelby