Bachelor Slaytion - Breakdown of Peter’s Remaining Women
Welcome to So She Slays’ newest series, Bachelor Slaytion, a weekly Bachelor recap article. We’re Isa and Shelby, two college students who live for ridiculous drama every Monday. We’re already suffering through these episodes, so we figured why not write about it so you all don’t have to.
As is very on-brand for us, we are tardy to the party and starting our Bachelor recap three weeks late. However, this does mean you get double the Bachelor's action this week. Starting with our recap of the remaining women competing for Peter’s heart.
First of all, I cannot put a face to most of these names. Which is probably a compliment to those women because it means they haven’t done anything bizarre yet. To save you from racking your brain to figure out which future Instagram model is which, we’ve included pictures. Here we go:
Deandra, 23, home care coordinator from Plano, Texas
Are we sure Deandra is still there? I had to look up a picture of her (because I had no idea what she looked like) and I have not seen her at all in like...any of these episodes. I really don’t have an opinion on her because I don’t know who she is. Sorry Deandra.
Hannah Ann, 23, model from Knoxville, Tennessee
Oh Hannah Ann. I really liked you at first. But I have started to realize you are just an ABC plant who will probably make it to the final and will definitely end up with a monster REVOLVE deal at the end of this.
Kelley, 27, Attorney from Chicago, Illinois
Kelley really irritated me the first couple of weeks. I’m really not sure why, she has a normal career and is an appropriate age for Peter. She did cheat in the first group date challenge which pissed me off more than I would like to admit. I mean a lot about this show pisses me off more than I would like to admit but that’s a story for another time. Anyway, I think I’m okay with Kelley now but stay tuned.
Kelsey, 28, professional clothier from Des Moines, Iowa
The issue with us writing this article 3 weeks late is that I literally cannot think of any single personality trait about Kelsey from before “Champagne Gate”. That’s what she’s known for now and probably for the rest of her life. Crying over a bottle of champagne. Mazel Tov to you, Kelsey.
Kiarra, 23, nanny from Kennesaw, Georgia
Kiarra seems cool (if you forgot, she is the one who climbed out of a suitcase to make her entrance) she doesn’t get nearly enough airtime for me to form an opinion on her. She’ll stick around for another week or so until it’s time for Peter to start sending home all of the genuinely diverse contestants. Let that be a wake up call to you, ABC. #JusticeForMike
Lexi, 26, marketing coordinator from New York, New York
All I remember about Lexi is the fact that in her bio she said something about feeling like an outcast because she’s a ginger. Lexi, there’s people that are dying.
Madison, 23, foster parent recruiter from Auburn, Alabama
Madison is beautiful and athletic and fun and I am completely baffled at the fact that we are the same age. She is the winner, I would literally put money on it. There’s not much more to say about Madison honestly, I feel like we could have ended the season after her one on one.
Mykenna, 22, fashion blogger from Langley, British Columbia
Mykenna was made for this show. She is every girl you went to high school with who is trying to make it as an influencer now. The thing I find the most exciting about her is the fact that she’s from Canada. I am, however, genuinely excited to see her brand deals when the show is over. I have high hopes for you, Mykenna.
Natasha, 31, event planner from New York, New York
Natasha is dope. She speaks her mind and she’s hilarious. Probably most famous for fighting Mykenna with a giant paper airplane. Iconic. I think she’s too good for Peter, honestly. He won’t be able to keep up with her. Natasha is also the oldest contestant, which is absolutely absurd being that she is 31. Again ABC, a wake up call.
Savannah, 27, realtor from Houston, Texas
I do not now, nor have I ever known who Savannah is. Truly. I’m sorry Savannah.
Shiann, 27, administrative assistant from Las Vegas, Nevada
Shiann is pretty bland. I know she cried over something a couple weeks ago but I can’t for the life of me remember what it was. Not sure how much longer she’ll last, I can definitely see her being there for a few more weeks and I predict that I will say “oh, she’s still here?” to my TV.
Sydney, 24, retail marketing manager from Birmingham, Alabama
I didn’t know who Sydney was until the last couple of episodes. She was quiet and then started causing some drama which we are always here for. I mean why else would we watch this show? Keep stirring the pot, Sydney.
Tammy, 24, house flipper from Syracuse, New York
Tammy is definitely too good for this show. She’s funny and could beat your ass. She needs a show on HGTV, maybe something where she wrestles a realtor to buy a house to flip. Call me, HGTV, we’ll talk.
Victoria F., medical sales rep from Virginia Beach, Virginia
Many articles have been released about Victoria F modeling for a “white lives matter” clothing company. Immediately. Cancelled. After further research, it was revealed that the company is actually about fish? See this article from Heavy . Somehow, I don’t buy it. They’re definitely out here trying to protect more than white marlins. Anyway, Victoria is shady and I don’t think this is the only scandal we’ll get from her.
Victoria P., nurse from Alexandria, Louisiana
Sweet baby Victoria P. What a precious human. She is age appropriate for Peter, and we know he loves a southern girl. If Madison doesn’t win, I definitely see it being Victoria P. Otherwise … I smell a bachelorette.