Dr. Monica Shah in Finding Confidence through pressure
“Growing up an Indian girl in a community that was pretty Caucasian heavy I didn’t look like everybody else and that was a struggle for me.”
Doctor, model, and most recently can be found on Bravo’s hit show “Family Karma,” Dr. Monica Shah sits down with Chauncey and me to talk about finding confidence through the pressures we face as individuals every day. Whether that pressure is self-inflicted or puts on you by society, family, friends, or even how you think things should be we walk through our own issues with confidence.
Dr. Monica Shah shared with us her journey of finding her own self-confidence, how she built it up, and what she struggles with every day.
What are some things that you were insecure about?
Growing up an Indian girl in a community that was pretty Caucasian heavy I didn't look like everybody else and that was a struggle for me. I was so young where I didn't even see it as insecurity. I didn't even know what that meant. I just knew that I didn't fit in. I didn't look like the girls or dress like them, and my body type and skin color weren't like theirs. The foods I ate at lunch were different from everyone else. So just feeling like I didn’t fit in period was a struggle for me. It was like a body image thing, a self-confidence thing, and I kind of carried that with me for a long time. It haunted me in middle school, in high school and it wasn't until college that I met other Indian people in a school environment. So now we were immersed within more Caucasians, but like I had a group of friends in that environment, I started to be okay with being Indian.
So what changed to make you gain some self-confidence?
When I decided, and this is, you know, this is good and bad, I guess. But I took that next step when I entered a beauty pageant to step out of my comfort zone. I signed up because my friends were doing it, and I was like, I have nothing to lose. I didn't think I would win; I should have gone in with a winning mentality but I was still struggling with self confidence. I went in honestly with the goal of doing something to say that I stepped out of my comfort zone. I'm just not that girl. I never saw myself as that girl on stage or doing anything like that. I looked up to those people but I could never envision myself doing it. So when I had friends doing it, it made it a lot easier for me to take the step.
I went through the pageant process. And I was truly myself throughout the whole thing because I didn't know how to be anything different. I didn't have a pageant coach; it was just my mom. People really, invest time into this and it's, kind of, a process. But for me, I was just like, let me try something new, I have nothing to lose. But I ended up winning and I think that in itself triggered something for me like, “wow, you thought you couldn’t do this and now you won.” What’s not great is that it’s external, right? Now people believe in you because they see you and want to believe in you. So that's why I say it is good and bad. The good was that I pulled that first plug and I decided to do it. The bad was that I relied on external feedback to kind of boost my self-esteem if you will.
How do you manage your self-confidence through pressure without relying on outside forces for validation?
Every single day is a process for me. You know, that was like that first step; I needed to believe in myself that I was capable of doing it. Then my next obstacle after that was getting through medical school. I can tell you, and I was in tears more than I was happy throughout the process because I'm constantly putting extra pressure on myself. I was super hard on myself when you know I barely pass an exam. I'm like, really psyching myself out like this is maybe not made for me, perhaps this is not the path I'm supposed to be on in my life. I was psyching myself out throughout that process. That was another step where I'm like, I have to believe that I can do this. And, again, I got that external support from my friends and family. And I think that was vital to get through that aspect. But in the end, you have to go back and realize you did the work. No one else went to medical school, you went to medical school; you just had their support. So that ignited another fire where I believed in myself again; I didn't think I was capable. I needed some support on the outside but I also put in the work. I just had to believe that I could do it.
What are some of the pressures you deal with as a female in a male-dominated industry?
Being a young female physician while the older generation is, you know, they still hold you to a lower standard. If they don't seem to care, or you're not their age, you know, who are you? What do you know? Or for whatever reason, being female automatically makes you a nurse or, you know, medical assistant, and medical assistants are great! We need all of them as well. But when you come in, and you introduce yourself time and time again, I say, "Hi, I'm Dr. Shah; I'm here to take care of you today." You know, we'll go through, and I'll spend time with these patients because I know they're a little on edge with seeing someone new or seeing me. I go through explain everything as detailed as possible to make them feel comfortable with the whole visit, and at the end, they'll still be like, okay, so when do we see the doctor? So it's like well, I am the doctor. So every day, it's having to prove yourself and prove that you are just as capable as them.
What is the self-talk that you give yourself in those moments?
You first got to take a big sigh behind that mask and be like, okay, we're doing this again. It's time. Yeah, here we go. Let's go. But for me in those settings, I take it as a challenge, you know, I can make their visit something that they didn't anticipate initially with me. If I take the time to explain what's going on, making them feel comfortable bedside manner is essential. Make them feel comfortable, answer all their questions. Then I've changed one person's mind. And they'll now feel pleased with any other place they go to, maybe seeing someone younger or seeing someone different. So at that point for me, I'm like, “Okay, take this as a challenge.” Because once you change their minds and mentality, you're benefiting a lot of other people and a lot of different experiences that they're going to have for themselves. So I take it as a selfless thing because I know i’s going to benefit them in the long run with their other experiences, maybe with different physicians, but also for their next visit with me potentially; we’ve now earned their trust. I think earning the trust of your physician is essential, and we all should take on that role that trust is earned, not given, especially when it comes to like the care of my health, for example.
So were there any cultural pressure that you felt from family or your community?
I mean, let's address the elephant in the room, Indian people are stereotyped to be a doctor or engineer. It's what you're expected to be. I didn't feel any pressure, though, and I'm very grateful for that. I can't speak for a lot of people in my position. Like, I think there's still a lot of traditional families that have that mindset. But my father, as a physician, grew up with physicians, and they just wanted me to find a career that I was going to be happy and fulfilled in my life. And they never pressured put pressure on me. I found it my way, on my own. I think that's what I love about it: I truly knew I wanted to do it. I think when you're pressured into it, you're less likely to succeed in the end. Because like I said, the schooling is so gruesome, like, you have to stay dedicated to wanting to do it. Because you're going to put your life on hold for, you know, two to four years. I've had so many friends of mine, even classmates like not pass the first semester because they just realized, you know, what, this is like, not exactly what I thought it would be, or not exactly what I realized I wanted to do anymore, so I thankfully did not feel the pressure.
Follow Dr. Monica Shah:
Instagram: @dr.monica.shah_