How to Cope With Negativity Around You

Written by Cora Gold

Why can one negative comment ruin an entire day? As humans, we’re wired to emphasize unfavorable interactions and moments more than good ones. So how can you possibly cope when the people around you seem so focused on grumbling and seeing the worst? Is there a way to flourish amid all that negativity?

With the right tools in your mindset belt, you can protect yourself from others’ negativity. The rude comments or toxicity of family, friends, coworkers, or partners will no longer plague your life. With these tips, you can control how you feel — you’re in the driver’s seat. 

1. Remember You Can’t Control Others

Unfortunately, you can’t control others’ actions or words, no matter how hard you try or want to. Their attitude is entirely up to them. The only thing you can do is control your reaction to their actions. However, that means you can choose whether or not others have power over you.

2. And It’s Not Your Job to “Fix” Them

You may feel guilty about the things other people vent to you about, especially with your loved ones. However, it’s not your job to fix their problems or negativity. You can help them develop solutions, but they aren't your responsibility if they always behave this way or seem unreceptive to your aid. 

3. You Choose How You Feel

While you aren’t responsible for how your friends, family, and coworkers behave, you’re responsible for how you respond. The best way to increase positivity around you is to start from within.

You get to choose good feelings for yourself and put that energy out into the world. While you can’t be the change in others, you may just light a spark with your own positive attitude. 

4. Set Boundaries

Creating solid boundaries with your loved ones is essential to self-care, especially when they’re spreading negativity around you. Try talking to your friends, family, and coworkers to let them know how their attitude affects you. 

Approach the conversation with kindness, yet stand firm. You can explain that you’d prefer to avoid specific topics or need your personal space during work hours. Consider exactly what you need from the people in your life and get specific with them to avoid confusion. 

5. Create a Cushion of Positive People

In her book Positivity, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson claims we’re more receptive to negative behaviors and beliefs than positive ones. In fact, she says we need at least three positive encounters to outweigh just one negative. Otherwise, we may become overwhelmed by negativity.

If your workplace is bringing you down or pessimistic family members surround you, you need to create a cushion of positive people to create a balance. Find a group of friends who lift you up or a partner who makes you laugh. These will buffer your need for pleasant interactions and memories.

6. Fill Your Own Cup

When your days seem filled to the brim with negativity, you need to fill your cup with positivity. What brings you joy or makes you feel peaceful? Spend some time in self-care. Take a hot bath, make your favorite meal, lose yourself in a good book, go for a walk or get a massage.

Write a list of things you can do, big and small, that encourage happiness. Turn to this guide when you feel pulled down by the negativity around you. 

7. Be a Bucket Filler

In his #1 New York Times bestseller, How Full Is Your Bucket? Tom Rath proposes there are only two types of people — bucket dippers and bucket fillers. Bucket dippers bring others down with their negativity, while bucket fillers lift people up with positivity. As you create meaningful moments with those around you, you fill their buckets, making them more capable and willing to fill someone else’s bucket. It’s contagious. 

Doing kind and personal things for your loved ones will make them feel better despite their mood and lift your spirits. Getting to know your coworkers better can help stimulate a more positive environment and fill both your bucket and theirs. Learning about them may even help you understand where their negativity is coming from.

8. Practice Gratitude

When surrounded by negativity, it’s all too easy to succumb and forget all the good things in your life. Break out of your funk by practicing daily gratitude. Start each day by listing three things that bring you joy, safety, love or comfort. Bring out your list of items each time your coworkers or loved ones rain on your parade. 

9. Take a Mindful Minute

Along the same vein as developing an attitude of gratitude is to practice being mindful. Rather than getting wrapped up in the complaining or generally negative attitudes around you, center yourself in the present moment, regulating your experience and feelings.

Yoga and meditation are proven stress and anxiety reducers — regular practice can bring you a better sense of calm and control despite a negative home, friend circle, or workplace. Coloring is another great way to disconnect from grumbling. You can keep an adult coloring book at your desk or download an app on your phone. Even a few deep breaths can help you cope. 

It May Be Time to Walk Away 

Despite trying all these tactics, you may have people in your life who still overwhelm you with negativity. In these instances, it may be necessary to cut them out altogether. Break up with a toxic partner, part ways with a whiny friend, and cut ties with hurtful family members.

If your workplace is the source of negativity and you can’t find ways to cope with these tips, you may need to look for a new job. These changes will hurt at first, but you need to remember letting them go will drastically improve your life in the long run and may also be the wake-up call they need.